


Got That Ambition, Baby

by Diana_Raven



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Capes, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bruce Wayne is Brucie Wayne, Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, giftfic, gold digger!kon, rich people doing rich people things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28211442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Raven/pseuds/Diana_Raven
Summary: Dear Mr. Kent,I was wondering, you said you can do “ex-con,” “drug-dealer,” and philanderer.How’s your gold-digger?I look forward to hearing from you.Regards,Tim Drake
Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 51
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFairMaidenofFandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFairMaidenofFandom/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, Sephie!! I hope you like it!
> 
> Okay, disclaimer: I got this idea for your gift and then realized that it was going to be *much* longer than expected. That being said... unfortunately I have a lot of other stuff to work on too, so I'm going to finish this fic (it's outlined) over the course of the next bit while I work on other things. Sorry I can't give you the whole thing now, but the first chapter is 10k so I thought that a suitable gift for the time being lol.
> 
> Oh and betaed by the wonderful @crownedcrusader

_Boyfriend for Hire!_

_Has this ever happened to you? Your family is just really, really annoying? Or… well, no. That’s about it. Look no further!_

_I am willing to play your fake horrible boyfriend! That drug dealing, ex-con, womanizer, piece of trash you’re always telling your family that they should be glad you’re at least not dating! I’ll say and do whatever you want me to to piss off your family (including: hit on your siblings or spill the tea on family drama I’m not supposed to know). Any chaos you want, I will create._

_Qualifications: I am a tallass motherfucker who is ripped as a shit-brick house. I also have tattoos. Don’t worry, I look the part._

_Pay: I’ll need money for expenses if needed. Other than that, the meal is enough. I’m here for the chaos._

_Contact: Conner Kent_

_email:_ [ _superboi@metu.com_ ](mailto:superboi@metu.com)

_phone: 0XX-867-5309_

_**to:** _ [ _superboi@metu.com_ ](mailto:superboi@metu.com)

_**from:** _ _tdrake@wayneenterprises.com_

_**subject:**_ Your Advertisement

Dear Mr. Kent,

I came across your ad in the Daily Planet yesterday. My family is going to Aspen over Christmas weekend. Skiing, snowboarding, spa, etc. I was wondering if you were busy during the holidays? I understand if you are, I know it’s late in the month for me to ask. I’d like to hire you. If you accept I’ll give you more information, but as a base (so you know I’m not a serial killer) my father’s been on my case bothering me about my love life and how it affects the family’s public appearance (we’re in wealthy circles to say the least, and he is very exacting and hypocritical in how exactly he wants us to be seen).

So, I was wondering, you said you can do “ex-con,” “drug-dealer,” and philanderer. How’s your gold-digger?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Tim Drake

_**to:** _ _tdrake@wayneenterprises.com_

_**from:** _ [ _superboi@metu.com_ ](mailto:superboi@metu.com)

_**subject:**_ re:Your Advertisement

Hi, Tim

Sounds dope. When do I start?


	2. Thursday, Dec 23rd

The airport is technically a public one, but from what Kon’s read online it’s got private terminals. Which is why when Kon asked the lady with the big glasses and frizzy hair where “uh, terminal Chirpotera, floor gold” was (it was where Tim had told him to go), what he didn’t expect was for her four-eyes to bug out of her head. 

“Why do you want to know that?” the lady squeaked, turning slightly red. 

Kon frowned. “I’m meeting a friend? He said his plane was leaving from there?”

The lady looked around as if someone might overhear and lowered her voice, “you’re friends with a _Wayne_?”

Wayne? Like, Bruce Wayne? Like the dilf with all the kids? 

No, that couldn’t be right. This dude had said his name was Tim. Kon checked the email again, but… yeah. It was the right terminal. Maybe the Waynes shared the terminal? How the hell did Kon know? He was so poor that he’d never flown business class before. Tim had paid for the ride over and hadn’t even complained about buying him a first class ticket from Metropolis to Gotham. Kon kinda felt like he’d stumbled into getting a sugar daddy. 

Of course, he hadn’t. This was all for the stupid fun of messing up other people’s lives. But… no one who’d ever answered his ad had _flown_ him somewhere before. Tim had mentioned that he was wealthy. And Kon knew wealthy (unfortunately) from other people in his classes. Rich assholes who—incidentally enough—had always bragged about where they were going for the holidays. 

Ma and Pa were spending Christmas with Clark and since Kon and Clark weren’t exactly on speaking terms right now, Kon hadn’t had an issue guilting Lois into letting him spend Christmas “with his friends” (he’d lied) so long as he saw Ma and Pa before he left. It meant that they had to come a little earlier, but Lois had been right—Kon would have regretted not seeing them. 

Maybe next time he could get this Tim guy to fly him to Kansas for the holidays. That would be nice. Oh, wait… That really would make him a sugar baby, huh? 

The lady led Kon to the door to the terminal and didn’t come in. She waited outside with Kon while one of the Matrix security guards.

“Oh, I can’t.” She blushed furiously. “I’m not… allowed. Only special employees can go in.”

Well, that sucked! Kon wanted to give her something in some type of compensation (and hey, this Tim guy would be paying for it), but didn’t know if that was like… creepy. It felt kinda creepy. 

“Oh. Um, that sucks.”

“Er, yeah.”

The security guard returned and used his right index finger to pull down his sunglasses slightly and stared at Kon over them. Seemingly having passed the test, the guard pushed them back up and grunted, “you Conner Kent?”

“Yes, sir,” Kon said, because he felt like he should. 

The guard grunted again and opened the door with one arm. 

Kon took that as a sign he should enter. The inside of the terminal was like something out of a sci-fi movie. Chrome everywhere with large glass windows that showed the runways and marble floors. Open and echo-y and very rich-person-scary-chic. 

Kon looked around the hanger. Squinting he saw a small, carpeted area where, in plush chairs, a man about his age sat. He had headphones on and was arguing vehemently with the person on the other side. He chewed on the plunger of a pen, staring at his laptop screen. His feet were on a glass table that looked more expensive than Kon’s monthly grocery list. 

He wore a well fitted suit that Kon knew was _definitely_ a rich-people designer. Had to be. A light blue tie pressed onto his white buttoned-up chest. Next to the man’s feet was a travel mug of coffee. Behind him was a small alcove with a kitchenette—but the most high-tech kitchenette Kon had ever seen. Espresso and latte machines like Kon had seen in pictures of places in Japan. A clear doored refrigerator filled with delicate looking cakes and sweets was squeezed into a corner, and next to it was a table with a bowl of fruit and a gumball dispenser. 

Kon walked towards the man and was surprised when he actually _recognized_ the man. Tim Wayne, COO of Wayne Enterprises. He was on Forbes’ 30 under 30 this year. Heck, he’d be 10 under 20 if there was such a thing. Was this some type of weird catfish thing? Kon looked around, trying to see if he could find any camera crews, but he couldn’t. 

Kon cleared his throat. Tim Wayne didn’t look up. Kon gave a small wave, waiting by him. Tim Wayne must have seen it out of the corner of his eye because he jumped up and gave him a ‘wait a moment’ gesture. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Tam. But if he can’t listen to deadlines then frankly I don’t c-” _pause_ “-well that’s not my fault now is it? If Waller wants one of her men in our labs she should make sure he can actually do his job.” _pause_ “Okay. Fine. Look, I gotta go. You can handle this, okay? If there’s anything serious call me but-… yeah. Yeah. You got it.” Tim Wayne gave Kon a weak, ‘sorry about this,’ smile and waved for him to sit down, which Kon did warily. 

Was… was Tim Drake actually Tim Wayne? But then why did this guy contact him under an alias? It… wait, Kon vaguely remembered something about how Tim Wayne was… adopted? Was he adopted? Most of the Wayne kids were. Tim Drake must have been his previous name then. 

_Wait_ -! Did that mean that the dad that Tim wanted to piss off was Mister Bruce Wayne himself? Mr. Thirst-trap? From how he acted on the internet, Kon was _shocked_ that him acting as a gold-digger would even bother the guy! If it did, Tim had been right. He was a hypocrite, then. 

“Yes, yes. Love you too, Tam. My lord and savior. Okay, bye. Merry Christmas.” 

Tim sighed and pulled the headphones down. He typed something quickly onto his computer, pen stuck onto his lower lip, and then closed his laptop. 

“Hi.” Tim stood and leaned over to shake Kon’s hand (of all things). “Tim.”

“Conner, but you can call me Kon.”

“Kon fen,” Tim lisped, then blinked and looked cross-eyed down at himself as if he’d forgotten that he clipped his pen onto his lip. He snatched it off and his pale skin turned slightly pink about the ears and neck. If he wasn’t so intimidating, Kon might have actually laughed (good-naturedly, of course. It was cute). Tim wiped at his mouth. “Sorry.” He stuffed the pen in his pocket. “I had one last thing to wrap up at work.”

“Totally fine. You’re… Tim Drake?” Tim Wayne clearly couldn’t have forgotten that he hadn’t introduced himself to Kon like that, right?

“Uh. Yeah. Sorry about the vagueness in the email, I didn’t want word to somehow get out and-”

“It’s fine. I was just… a little confused.” Kon shrugged sheepishly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Tim agreed. “So, um,” he scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Are there… any questions you have before we go?”

He clearly had done nothing like this before. To be fair, before Kon had started doing this, he hadn’t known of anyone else who did. Kon could deal with this though. Tim wasn’t being rude. Kon was used to nervous clients. 

“Normally I take on whatever backstory you give me. I’ll mesh it with my own. And I do have a criminal record, so if anyone looks it up they’ll see it.” At Tim’s alarmed look, which Kon had expected, he added, “Nothing you need to worry about. Some stupid things I did as a kid, but the judge tried me as an adult ‘cuz he was a dick. You said you wanted me to be a gold-digger though?”

Tim nodded. 

“And in the emails,” Kon pulled them up. “My goal is to do my best to be the worst boyfriend ever but only when you’re not in the room.”

Tim nodded, a small cruel smirk on his face. “Yeah. My family will _hate_ that.”

Kon grinned. “Perfect. What level of touchy-feely are you comfortable with? I’m fine with practically anything.”

Tim blushed. “Oh, uh. I didn’t think about PDA.”

Kon held up his hands in surrender to ease Tim. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, dude.”

Tim frowned and thought about it seriously for a moment. Finally he decided. “Kissing is okay. And I guess groping should be okay too…”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Kon reiterated. “I can pretend to want your money fine without ever touching you if you don’t want.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I’m okay with that.” He blinked. “Oh wait. I forgot, we’ll be sharing a bed. Is that okay?”

“I’m fine with it,” Kon said shrugging. “But I have to warn you, I’m a cuddler.” Kon winked to ease the tension in Tim’s shoulders. 

Tim laughed and rubbed a hand through his long, lank, black hair. He relaxed against the back of the couch. 

“Okay. Okay.”

“Do you want to keep the same story about how we met?” Kon asked. “A club your friend dragged you to?”

Tim nodded. “Yeah. I’ve already told Bart about it and he’ll keep the secret. And the two of us are in Metropolis enough that it works.”

“Okay. For nicknames I’m thinking...” Kon chewed on his lip as he sized up Tim. “Poopsie or snugglepuss.”

Tim barked out a laugh. He looked up through his long black bangs. His eyes were… really bright. Kon forgot what he was saying for a moment before Tim said, with feeling, “ _snugglepuss_?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Kon laughed as well, a little awkwardly to cover up his brain fart. “Yeah. That one _always_ gets them.”

Tim shrugged. “Sure. Why not? You’re the expert, right?”

“Yeah, sure. Anything else?”

Tim shook his head. “Don’t think so.”

“Perfect. Then I think we’re set. And remember, you can always change your mind, and if there’s anything we haven’t covered, there’s always ‘yes, and’.”

“Yes, and,” Tim repeated. Kon nodded. 

“I think we’re ready.”

Tim took a deep breath and nodded, more to himself than Kon. “Okay. Okay. Yeah. Um, I guess we should start going then.”

Kon stood and brushed his jeans off. He hadn’t brought nearly anything as fancy as Tim was wearing right now. Tim had mentioned that anything cozy was fine, but he should bring any snow clothes he had (he had none, so Tim had ordered him some skiing stuff. Kon had never skied ever in his life so… that would be a thing). 

The plane ride to Aspen was six hours, which meant that they would arrive just in time for dinner (according to Tim). Kon still couldn’t believe he was going to Rich People Aspen. 

“We have our own floor of the resort, so you needn’t worry about others.”

Their own floor. Kon really shouldn’t have been surprised, Tim was a _Wayne_ after all. 

Over the flight Kon and Tim went over their story and few more times and Tim brought out the clothes he’d brought for Kon. Kon tried them on. Who knew that designer clothing was comfy as shit? Well, sometimes. The shirt was a little itchy, and he rolls up the sleeves so his tats can be seen. With the curly hair, earring, tattoos, and leather jacket (currently off because it was toasty on the plane) juxtaposed against the clearly designer preppy clothes that Tim obviously bought for him, he looked the part. He also gave Tim one of the presents Tim supposedly bought him for Christmas. Kon’ll open it up (it was very scandalous negligee) and make a big hullabaloo. Tim loved the idea. 

They arrived at the airport in Aspen just before a snowstorm rolled in. It hit while they were still in the airport and rented cars started going like hotcakes, but being a Wayne clearly had some benefits (even amongst lots of rich people) because Tim had no trouble getting his car. A fucking Bentley outfitted for winter weather. Kon tried not to geek out over the car in front of him. Tim clearly tried to hold back a smile, but had a proudly puffed-out chest when he showed Kon. 

Tim drove, which was perfect for Kon’s image. Kon put his feet up on the dash (even though it hurt his soul to do, it was part of the character. And Tim promised that they’d get the car cleaned so it wouldn’t damage it). 

As Tim drove to the resort (which was not far away, but far enough that they didn’t have to deal with airport noise) paparazzi lined the streets, trying to snap as many pictures through the falling snow as they could before the blizzard got too bad. 

Kon had never seen paparazzi before. Much less so _many_! They were like those spiders that you step on and then hundreds of little spiders scattered out? Those terrifying fucking things? Yeah. Kon kinda got why some people called them vultures. 

“Is that normal?” Kon asked, while he still had the chance to be himself. For the benefit of the cameras he made a face and flipped them the bird. 

Tim shrugged as he waited for the light to turn green. “Yeah, but there are way more of them now than usual. It’s all the celebrities arriving for the weekend. They’ll disperse to the people they _really_ want to catch tomorrow. Oh! There’s Jonathan. Wave to Jonathan, he’s one of our regulars.” Tim gave one of the faceless masses a wave, and Kon did one better by smacking a sloppy kiss onto Tim’s cheek. 

Tim pinked. 

“Sorry, was that out of line?” Kon asked. He put a loving look on his face and ran his fingers up and down Tim’s shirt. Drifting up to the buttons and toying with them. Let the vultures go ape on that one. 

Tim was just as good as Kon, surprisingly. He looked down and smiled at Kon, drifting a hand behind his neck, but his voice was normal. “Nah, it’s good. Just wasn’t expecting it.”

A horn blared behind them and Kon sat back, screwing his face into a huff as Tim began driving again. 

“Jonathan? Regulars?” Kon asked once they were out of the intersection. 

“Jonathan Sigfield. All celebrities have ‘regulars.’” He frowned as he tried to figure out a way to explain it to the hoi-polloi like Kon, “uh, well, see the paps have to stake out celebrities sometimes for hours before they get anything ‘juicy,’” Tim made air-quotes with his fingers. He turned the car right. “Jonathan is one of ours. He spends days at a time hiding in bushes following our daily routines to see if he can get anything. You’ll probably see him a lot this weekend.”

“Okay. Anyone else I should watch out for?” This would be harder than Kon’s usual jobs. He would have to be in character all day. Even when he wasn’t around Tim.

“I’ll point out anyone else, but just so you’re aware, we’ve got paps everywhere these days. Especially with everyone having a good quality phone and ability to contact tabloids.”

“Got it. Don’t worry, poopsie. I’ll be trying to take your money _all_ weekend.” Kon tugged on Tim’s collar gently. 

Tim laughed and batted his hand away. “You’re going to make out like a bandit, huh?”

“Hey, if you want me to pretend to be a gold-digger you got to pay,” Kon said with a grin and a mock-indifferent shrug. 

Tim laughed again. “Might as well get myself a real one for those rates.”

“Ah yes, but could a real one do this?” Kon asked and made a face. Tim snorted, and turned his gaze back to the road. 

Kon’s phone buzzed and pulled out his phone. He had started tracking #timdrakewayne on the plane. So, he was a little vain and wanted to pictures of himself. As he did he realized he hadn’t a wallpaper with the two of them. Kon practically maneuvered himself into Tim’s lap and snapped a picture. Tim yelped in surprise, but managed to keep the car from swerving. 

“Perfect!” Kon pronounced and added it to his lock screen. Kon scrolled through his own pics until he found one suitably sexy and trashy and sent it to Tim’s phone number. Tim had given it to him after he’d signed an NDA about this whole ordeal. Not that Tim minded him talking about it _after_ this weekend, but certain things were not for public consumption and as someone who had parents whose job was to be professionally nosy, Kon got that. He sent it to Tim and took Tim’s phone. 

“What’s your password?”

“I’m not telling you!”

“I signed a contract, dude. Trust me, I won’t post it accidentally on the internet. What? Do you use the same one for everything? ‘Cuz you’d think someone like _you_ would know not to do that.”

“Nothing like that.”

“Then what? I’m going to have to look like I completely invaded your life, so you might as well.”

Tim sighed. Kon had a point, and Tim knew it. 

“Fine. It’s Xxhotassredbird100%xX.”

Kon laughed. Tim glared at him. “Shut up, dude.”

“Man, _really_?”

“Shut up and just put in.”

"That’s what she said.”

A long password, but Kon managed to get it on the first try (still snickering to himself) and he opened up the pictures he’d sent. He saved them to both Tim’s homepage and lock-screen. (Before, Tim hadn’t even had pictures, but the default screens the phone came with. Kon tisked.)

Kon put the phone back. Tim immediately checked it, one eye on the road and one hand on the steering wheel. 

“There you go. Don’t be overwhelmed by the sexiness.”

“Har, har,” Tim said dryly. He nodded in approval of the tame picture of Kon he’d put on the lock screen and his eyes went wide when he saw the home screen. 

Kon grinned. “What did I say? Sexy.”

Tim’s face blushed like a fucking tomato. He tossed his phone back at Kon. “Change it, please.”

“Aw, but cuddlekins!” Kon teased. But he changed it to another slightly less naked picture of himself that was still pretty trashy. He showed it to Tim. “Better?”

Tim nodded. “Yeah. No offense or anything but my baby brother has my phone passcode.”

“It’s chill, man. That was just a joke,” Kon said, shrugging. Wait, what? “ _Why_?” Kon didn’t let _his_ kid bro know his password.

“He just figures it out every time I change it. It proceedingly becomes stupider and stupider. I’m hoping he’ll be so disgusted by how undignified it is and just give up.” Ah, that explained the current one. 

“Undignified?”

Tim rolled his eyes. Clearly it made more sense if you knew the kid. “You’ll see.”

They pulled into the resort’s driveway and a valet rushed forward to take the keys from Tim. An actual freakin’ valet. With the little vest and everything. 

The snow was coming down pretty hard now, and Kon felt a little bad for the dude so he dropped some of the cash that Tim had cashapped over to him before this whole thing for a tip, doubling what Tim gave him. 

Tim gave him a _look_ and Kon smiled blithely at him. He swung on arm around Tim’s shoulder and practically dragged himself off of him, which was hard since Tim was a good half foot shorter than he was (would have been more but Kon had a feeling Tim was wearing lifts). But he thought he pulled it off pretty okay. He would have to save most of his hanging on for when the two of them were sitting or Tim was somehow close to his height. 

But Kon did managed to lean down and kiss Tim in what he hoped was an extremely inappropriate way. Cameras blinded Kon as they flashed (he hadn’t noticed there were paps inside, he’d have to pay more attention to that).

Kon pulled back. 

Tim squeezed his hand to tell him that it was okay. Cool. 

A concierge ran over to Tim. 

“Mr. Wayne! Mr. Wayne!” he cried, pink-faced from exertion. He skidded to a stop in his fancy shoes on the squeaky, waxed floor. “You’ve arrived! How was your flight? Are you tired? Hungry? Your family has mostly arrived, only your father and youngest brother are still in the air.” The concierge continued to talk excitedly while Tim walked through the resort like he owned it (and maybe, Kon realized with a start, he did). 

Tim cut through the crowd of people like a king. Even other celebrities (because many of the others inside the resort _were_ celebrities of some type, but some weren’t, but must have been rich of some type, Kon assumed, after all they were here). 

“Thank you, Marcus,” Tim said dismissively. He handed a folded up bill to the concierge. 

The concierge gave Kon an assessing once-over and added, delicately, “and your… ah, guest?”

Tim waved a hand to Kon and hesitated. 

Kon smiled at the concierge. “Conner Kent. I’ll be staying with him.” Kon winked at the man and pointed to Tim. 

“He’s on my tab,” Tim added, voice brusque. 

The concierge nodded slowly, clearly taking some time to process. What? Was Tim bringing a date so weird?

Tim, however, had clearly deemed the conversation over and pressed the button for the elevator. The man faded into the background of the rush. 

Kon pretended to pick at something on his leather jacket. “So, your dad’s not here yet?” he asked. 

Tim looked up at him and nodded slowly, as if searching for some hint or hidden meaning to Kon’s words. He gave a subtle shake of his head. 

_Relax, dude._ Tim had some work to do on his acting. Kon took out his phone and pretended to text someone boredly. Tim noticed it and began to look around, as if he would catch someone spying on them (which he might, given the paparazzi around). He was _really_ bad at this. 

“Yeah. He and Damian had something to do back in Gotham first.”

Kon grinned at Tim. “More time for us alone.” Kon winked as ridiculously as he could. 

Tim bit his lip to hold in his laughter. “Can’t wait, pumpkin.”

Oh-ho! 

Kon leaned down and whispered in Tim’s ear. “Mm, I’ll get you for that.”

He could feel Tim’s shoulders tense beneath his hand. But Tim didn’t push him off, so it probably was from the proximity. Fair. 

The elevator door dinged, and opened. Kon barely had his tongue out of Tim’s ear when a WASP family of four spilled out, looking horrified at the two of them. Kon and Tim entered the now empty elevator, and the doors closed behind them. As soon as they did, Kon burst into laughter. 

“Did you _see_ their _faces_?” As Kon reveled in horrifying people, Tim swiped a card into the elevator keypad to let them up to the right floor. 

Tim chuckled and leaned against the back of the wall of the elevator. “This is fun.”

“Yeah? I’m not going too far?” Kon asked. 

Tim shook his head. “Definitely fun,” he said. Then, without looking up, “don’t look behind you but there’s a security camera.”

Kon raised his eyebrows. “What? Want me to give them a show?”

“Just a warning. Nothing that might compromise us in here, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss.” Instead of saluting, Kon blew Tim a kiss. “Do I get one of those?” He asked, nodding to the keycard.

“Unfortunately no. Only my eldest brother and Bruce can give one of these to you,” Tim waved in before slipping it into his chest pocket. 

“Dick, right?” Kon knew that the Waynes had a bunch of children, Tim, Dick, Damian, and Duke was the newest one…. One girl whose name escaped Kon, and there was this blonde girl who was like… their cousin? Something or other. 

Tim nodded. He counted the Waynes out on his fingers. “Dick, Jason—who probably won’t drop by—Cass,” ah that was the sister’s name! “she’ll probably figure us out first, but won’t say anything if I ask her not to.”

“You sure?”

Tim nodded. “She won’t mind us fucking with Bruce. Duke comes after her, I guess but he’s the newest addition. He’s a year younger than me. Then there’s the demon spawn, Damian.”

“Demon spawn?”

Tim shrugged. “Little brothers, you know?”

Kon did, but not as such. Jon was pretty adorable for a baby brother, but he’d heard horror stories from his friends. 

“And Steph.”

“That’s the blonde?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if she’ll be here or not. She’s friends with Cass, and uh, how much do you know about me?”

Kon shrugged. He’d never really been one to care much about celebrities. Maybe that was because half of Clark’s job was following them like a duckling. Especially the _Waynes_ , now that Kon thought about that. He remembered more than a few weekends growing up when Clark had taken a trip to Gotham for some gala or launch or another. 

“You didn’t watch _Make it Wayne_ when it was on?” Tim asked, surprised. 

“What? ‘Cuz you’re famous, I should have?”

Tim flushed. “No, that’s not what I meant-”

“I’m joking, Tim.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. Anyway, Steph and I dated as kids, but that’s long over. Sometimes she spends the holidays with her mom, and sometimes she spends it with us. I was busy this year so I had the group chat on silent. I’m not sure if she’ll be there or not, but if she is, she’ll be the hardest to fool.”

“And your sister won’t tell her?”

Tim frowned. “Hm. That’s… actually a good question. Cass isn’t that predictable, but I hope not. If she does, I’ll have to get to Steph before Steph spills the beans. She also would love to mess with B, so I don’t think it should be _too_ much of an issue.”

Kon nodded, processing all of this information and planning vague next steps for just in case. “Cool.”

The elevator door opened and Kon couldn’t help but be shocked. 

He knew that the Waynes had a floor, but he hadn’t really expected a _floor._ The entire floor was open concept, like walking into a condo. It had a staircase that went up to a loft area with doors to—what Kon could only assume were suites. But on the floor Kon now stood on was a large sitting room filled with plush carpets and sofas. An enormous TV hung over a crackling _real_ fireplace. Behind the sitting area was a dining area which was adjacent to what looked like a fully stocked kitchen, but Kon doubted that they would ever use it. The Waynes didn’t seem like people who _cooked_. 

“Wow!” Kon turned to Tim and smirked. “Our whole own floor! We can be as loud as we want, babe!”

Tim’s eyes widened and Kon turned when he heard someone screech. 

“You can _what_?”

A blonde woman around Kon and Tim’s age stood on top of the stairs, mouth open. 

“Hi, Steph,” Tim said weakly. 

So this was Steph. She did look vaguely familiar. Kon took a few steps back and pulled Tim close to him. 

“Babe, you didn’t tell me we’d have company!”

Tim looked between Kon and Steph and cleared his throat. “Steph, this is, uh, my boyfriend. Conner.”

_Yikes. Good to know he can’t lie to Steph. I’ll do that instead, I guess._

Kon smiled and waved to her. 

Steph stared at Kon like he was a unicorn. 

“Steph, what is it?” Someone called from behind her and Dick Grayson (Dick _freaking_ Grayson!) walked out from one of the rooms. 

His face broke into a smile when he saw Tim and then shuttered closed when he saw Kon. Wow. Good to know where he stood. 

“Hi,” Dick said, a little confused. He saw Kon’s arm around Tim’s shoulders and his eyebrows raised to his voluptuous hairline. He looked to his brother pointedly. 

“Dick, Kon. Kon, Dick.”

Kon shared the smile he’d given Steph with Dick. “Nice to meet you. Tim’s told me so much about you!”

“Funny, he’s told us nothing about you,” Steph said. Not snidely, but more puzzled. 

Tim shrugged and flushed. 

“What can I say?” he said sheepishly. “Kon and I have been so busy together I must have forgotten.”

“ _When_ exactly were you so busy?” Dick asked. 

“This past week,” Kon said, filming surprise into his voice. 

“ _Week_?” 

“It’s been a whirlwind! Tim is so wonderful!” Kon pecked Tim’s lips and turned around, gasping audibly. “And look at this place! It’s huge! You were right, babe. I’ve never been on a vacation like this!”

Dick’s jaw just dropped open. That in and of itself should have immediately earned Kon five stars from Tim (if he did say so himself), that was if he had ratings for this gig and five stars were the most able to be given. 

"I’ll put our stuff away, love bunny, and freshen up,” Kon said. He took Tim’s briefcase from him and shouldered his backpack. Tim had left their luggage in the car, but Kon assumed some magical hotel employee fairy had put their things in Tim’s room. “Which one’s yours, hot stuff?”

Tim pointed to the second door from the staircase and Kon blew him a kiss before heading up there. He waved to Steph and Dick and slipped into Tim’s room. Once the door clicked shut, Kon leaned his ear against the door to hear their reaction, but hadn’t needed to because very clearly through the door, Stephanie Brown could be heard. 

"Tim, _what the fuck was that_?”

Kon grinned to himself. Hell yeah, five stars, baby.

* * *

Tim’s suite had its own bathroom and was about the size a normal hotel room might be. It had a large king-size bed in the middle of the left wall. The color scheme was deep maroon, black, and shades of grey. Stylish. Kon tossed his things onto the bed and did a flop test. 

Huh. Passed. 

Actually… woah. Fuck yeah it passed. This was comfy. 

There was a large window perpendicular to the wall with the bed on it, but the curtains were completely drawn. Kon got up (much to his butt’s dismay, the bed was _very_ comfortable) and peeked outside. They were on one of the highest floors of the resort, and Kon was sure that had there not been a blizzard outside he would have seen the city of Aspen twinkling in all of its Winter Wonderland aesthetic below. But, disappointingly, he didn’t. He closed the curtains. A large mirror stood opposite the bed and on further examination was the world’s largest closet. Already, all of Kon (and Tim’s) things were unpacked and laid neatly in the drawers and cabinets. They’d even filled the underwear drawers. Kon wrinkled his nose. He wasn’t sure how happy he was about people touching his undies without his permission. 

Squeezed between the mirror-closet and the window was a door. Kon, ever the curious type, opened it up and dropped his jaw when he saw what was inside. Almost the same size as the literal bedroom on the other side was a private bathroom. Indented into the floor (everything was this slick looking brownish marble? Granite? tile. Kon wasn’t rich enough to be sure which) was a bathtub the size of a small pool. It even had jets, like it was a giant Jacuzzi. 

Kon involuntarily gasped. Maybe it _was_ a Jacuzzi. Okay, that was it. Kon could never not do this job for rich people ever again. Jacuzzi or bust.

The bathroom also had a large vanity and sink that looked _impossible_ to clean and with a toilet and a… not urinal was that- was that- _a bidet?_ Kon had always wanted to try one of those. 

Kon did use the facilities (even though he didn’t really have to go, just to see how it all worked) and did wash his face and futz with his hair a little (he’d done a little in the airport when they’d landed, but who knew, you still got airplane hair from private jets). 

By the time he was out, Tim was sitting on the bed. His shoes kicked off, and on his phone. He looked up when he heard Kon come out of the bathroom. Kon kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the bed beside Tim. 

"So?” Kon wiggled his eyebrows. “How’d it go?”

Tim’s face broke into a smirk. “Awesome. Wonderful. They’re losing it, I love it.”

"Glad you approve, _babe_.”

Tim snorted. “Okay. I just got a text from my brother, he and Bruce are on their way here, so we’ll probably head to dinner then.”

"Okay. Should I get dressed up?” 

"Yeah. We’re going out.”

Kon nodded, and went to the closet. He pulled out a black collared shirt. He’d roll that up to his elbows and leave the top button open. For pants, he would have worn jeans but he doubted that wherever the Waynes went for a family dinner would allow him in the door. He selected (freshly ironed by hotel staff, okay, this was getting creepy) black slacks and a low white vest (also top unbuttoned). 

Halfway through dressing, Tim received a text from someone and told Kon that he wouldn’t be a minute. He left, and was gone until Kon was halfway through fixing his hair. Tim poked his head in and nodded appreciatively. 

"Yeah?” Kon asked. His hands were on top of his head (one full of comb) and he noticed Tim’s eyes drag up his tattooed arms to the bulge of muscles. _Nice_. 

Tim blinked. “Um, yeah. Are you going to be much longer?”

Kon gave him an estimate. Tim nodded, thinking more to himself than Kon. “Hmm… okay. I’m going to change so you know. We’re leaving in fifteenish minutes.”

Kon would have given him a thumbs up but his hands were occupied. Kon finished up. Switched his plain gold earring for one with a paste diamond and studied himself in the mirror. He was just about to add a layer of eyeliner when Tim came in, still doing up his shirt. He’d gone classic where Kon hadn’t. White shirt, black slacks, no vest or tie. Kon saw Tim eye him in the mirror. 

"See something you like?” Kon teased. 

Tim rolled his eyes. He futzed with his long hair a little and snapped a thin black hair-tie onto his wrist, which made Kon’s eyebrows go up. 

Kon raised his eyeliner pen. “Yes or no?”

Tim glanced at it in the mirror and said, “sure, but a light layer.”

Kon gave him a thumbs up and applied it. Tim watched him curiously. 

"What?” Kon asked. 

Tim shook his head, surprised. “Nothing, just you’re much better at that than Dick is. He always pokes himself in the eye.”

"I wouldn’t mind teaching him a thing or two, of course I’ll ask when you’re out of the room.” Kon winked at Tim and he chuckled. Kon finished, and put his wallet (almost empty but for a few large bills in cash and his ID) in his back pocket. He threw on a thin, silver necklace and before they left Tim pulled something out from his nightstand. 

"A watch,” Kon guessed from the box. 

Tim nodded and opened it. Kon didn’t need to be rich to know that the watch clearly costed a shit-ton of money. Kon whistled. 

Tim took it out and passed it to him. Kon clicked it on. 

"Nice. Clearly out of my price-range, right?”

"Absolutely,” Tim said, proudly. He took a step back and surveyed Kon once more before finally nodding. “Perfect.”

"If you say so, dearest.” Kon could appreciate the watch. It wasn’t too heavy, and it did look nice on his wrist. It was silver and diamond studded (real, Kon guessed) and the accents were black, which went well with his outfit. He picked up his coat and tossed it over his shoulder. He offered his arm to Tim. “Shall we?”

* * *

The ride over wasn’t nearly as awkward as Kon had hoped it would be since Tim took him alone in the Bentley. Dick was still getting ready and Steph had gone with Duke and Cass (she hadn’t wanted to wait). 

They arrived at a _very_ fancy bistro for dinner. Tim handed his car off to the valet (of course) and headed to the hostess. 

"Wayne,” he said as if it were a passcode.

The lady nodded and led them to a large table. Already sitting were five people: Steph; a small Asian girl Kon assumed from Tim’s description was Cass; a black boy who according to Tim’s whisper was Duke; a light brown-skinned kid (Damian, then) who couldn’t have been older than thirteen; and finally the pretty-faced, delicate boned Bruce Wayne himself (Kon didn’t need to guess about him). 

Bruce looked pleasantly surprised to see Kon which made him suspicious but he wasn’t to be outdone, so he smiled back cheekily. Damian, however, was _not_ happy to see him, nor did he pretend to. Or maybe that was just because of Tim (Tim had mentioned that he and Damian had a not-great relationship). 

Tim pulled out Kon’s chair for him, which Kon accepted gratefully. Tim pinked about the ears and sat beside him. There was an empty seat on Kon’s other side which he assumed that Dick Grayson would sit in when he did arrive. 

"Bruce, this is my boyfriend, Conner Kent.” Tim smiled and patted Kon on the arm. Kon tried to look disinterested, and instead admired Bruce Wayne. 

"Nice to meet you, sir.”

Bruce gave him a dopishly warm smile, which was to be expected from ‘Brucie Wayne’ (Kon still wasn’t sure how Tim expected a gold-digger to piss Mr. I’m-Going-To-Wear-An-Entire-Suit-Made-Out-Of-Actual-Ben-Franklins-To-The-Met-Gala-And-Then-Burn-It off, but Tim was paying so whatever). 

"Conner! Nice to meet you! Steph and Cass have been telling me about you! Tim!” Bruce elbowed his son playfully. “You never told me you were dating someone so handsome! Careful, he’s going to give me a run for my money on the front page of the tabloids!”

Tim smiled blandly at his dad. “What can I say, B? Share the wealth a little, right?”

"Oh-ho-ho! _You_!” Bruce said and if Kon wasn’t looking for it he would never have noticed the slight edge to Bruce’s voice. Bruce turned back to Kon. Bruce Wayne had an airy, almost vintage newscaster sound to his voice. Unlike Tim, who’s accent was decidedly bougie (understatement) Jersey, Bruce had a flowy transatlantic way of speaking. “Now, Conner-”

"Kon, please.”

"Kon, tell me a bit about yourself?”

"Who? Me?” Kon mock-scoffed and brushed an invisible speck of dust off of his shoulder. “Why, I’m nothing special. Now, _you_! Tim didn’t tell me that I’d meet _you_ Mister Wayne-”

Bruce laughed. “Mr. Wayne was my, well, not my father, but _please_ , call me Bruce.”

Kon really was evenly-matched in fake cheeriness here. 

_Game on._

"If you insist, _Bruce_. Nice of you and,” Kon blew a kiss to Tim, “shmoopsie here to invite me to Aspen! I almost couldn’t make it, but when Tim promised me such a nice gift, I couldn’t say no.”

At the word gift, Kon saw Damian’s eyes narrow and go to the sparkling watch at his wrist. Damian had already been scowling, but even more so now. His little hands were balled into fists. 

"Father, I think-”

But Bruce interrupted him by slapping him companionably on the back. “You’ll have to forgive my son, he’s such a little man.” Bruce laughed and ruffled his hair, at which Damian squawked plaint-fully and began fixing it. “Boys! That must have been why Tim left it to be such a surprise, eh, chum?” He brushed his knuckles against Tim’s chin in a playful tap. Tim continued to smile blandly at him. 

Clearly the two of them were playing a similar game of chicken that Kon and Bruce were. Kon pressed on and pretended not to notice. 

"Sorry, I’m late!” someone called from behind Kon. Kon turned and saw Dick Grayson jog into view. He ruffled Damian’s so carefully neated hair, messing it up again as he went passed making Damian scowl (which Kon was starting to think was just his natural state). “Ah. Kon. You’re still here.”

Kon pretended he didn’t hear the slight and laughed. “All weekend.”

"Ah. Dad.” Dick nodded to Bruce who nodded back, in an almost fatherly way. 

"Now that everyone’s here, why don’t we order?” Tim suggested. 

Bruce waved over a waitress. The others went around the table, ordering. Kon ordered the second most expensive thing on the menu and ordered something for all four courses. Tim emphasized how much food Kon had ordered by only ordered a main course, and saying that he would share what Kon had ordered for others. Bruce was last. He took his time, musing through the options and asking what the waitress thought was best. Kon wasn’t sure if he was flirting with her purposely or not, but she definitely was thrusting her chest into his view. Kon was so surprised he looked at Tim, to see if this was something out of the ordinary, but Tim just slumped sightly (and Kon noticed that the rest of his siblings did the same). They were used to this. 

"So, Kon, how did you meet Tim?”

Kon gazed at Tim adoringly and sighed, as if deeply in love. “At a club, if you can believe it! It must have been serendipity. We both know this guy, Bart Allen? He’s great. But he introduced me to Tim and we just _clicked_.” Kon took Tim’s hand and squeezed it. 

Tim’s pink cheeks turned a little darker. 

Kon turned his attention back to Bruce to keep the embarrassment to a minimum. 

"Bart…?” Steph said, confused. “He didn’t tell me anything about that.”

"I asked him not to,” Tim said a little sheepishly. “I wanted some more time ourselves. But then it was Christmas, and, I don’t know, I just couldn’t bear to part with him for a weekend.”

"Uh… that’s sweet?” Duke offered, while Damian scrunched up his nose. 

"Disgusting.”

Yeah. Kon kind of understood what Tim had meant about him. 

"But that’s enough about me-”

"I don’t think it is,” Steph mumbled under her breath. Tim was also right about her. She was going to be a problem if she kept trying to pick Kon’s story apart. 

Kon continued as if he hadn’t heard her, “-what about you? I mean, Tim is _amazing_ , but he’s barely told me anything about any of you. Is everything that they say in the tabloids true? Do you really spend ten thousand dollars a year on dog grooming?” 

This, of all things, seemed to actually _interest_ Damian, and he was the one to reply. “They deserve every penny! Titus is a Great Dane and requires a lot of care. Ace is old, and her arthritis gives her trouble when the weather changes!” Kon nodded along to Damian’s speech on his dogs and had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. It was nice to know that Damian felt positively about something at all, even if that was only his pets. 

Kon felt eyes on him and looked around to watch the Waynes’ curious stares at him as he encouraged Damian on. Kon had gone through his life expecting that all rich people owned horses, but he’d never guessed that rich people might also own cows. Damian did, and loved his cow very much as he proceeded to explain at length to Kon. He also had a turkey. And Kon tried not to giggle when Damian said, very seriously, that his name was Jerry. 

Kon felt Tim grasp his left hand. Kon glanced down and was surprised to see how genuinely pleased Tim seemed to be watching him interact with his baby brother. Kon didn’t blame him though. He had a baby brother too, and he was sure whenever someone seemingly mean was nice to Jon, he had the same shining eyes. 

With that as an ice-breaker the Waynes seemed more willing to give Kon a chance. Even Steph seemed less confrontational. Kon stuck to the story, and food came much more quickly than Kon had ever experienced at a more pricey restaurant. Maybe there were perks to being rich. Kon, of course, did all the nauseatingly cute coupley things. He and Tim gazed lovingly into one another’s eyes. They finished each other’s sentences. They ate off one another’s forks. Kon would have hated _himself_. 

But the Waynes seemed annoyingly impressed by him. They smiled and joked around with him, adopting him into the family almost immediately. Even when Kon started raising red flags (teasing about how Tim could fly with him to see his family, how handsome he looked in his Armani suits, drawing attention to the watch Tim clearly gifted him), they all seemed blissfully oblivious. And worst of all, was Mr. Brucie Wayne himself; and yes, Kon did in fact see the fabled tabloid anecdote of a pair of very hot women—one maybe the age of Kon, and the other Bruce Wayne’s own—come by, blow him kisses with a very flirty, “ _H_ _i, Brucie_.” Kon hadn’t actually believed that this _genuinely_ happened to Bruce Wayne (this was where the tabloids claimed their nickname of ‘Brucie Wayne’ came from, now, Kon got it). But not only did it happen in front of Kon’s own very eyes, but none of the Waynes nor Steph seemed remotely surprised and ignored it. Bruce, being the airhead gentleman he was, blew them each kisses back. But related to Kon’s own moral ambiguity, Bruce Wayne seemed blithely ignorant, and Kon would have believed him if he didn’t know that Tim had hired him for a reason and that the act seemed too good to be true. It was starting to piss Kon off. 

He would not break first.

Kon would just have to turn it up a notch. 

During the break before dessert, Tim excused himself (and Dick rose at the same time, making to have a private conversation with Tim) and kissed Kon on the cheek before leaving. Good, now Kon could work his magic. 

Kon blatantly watched Tim leave (to Damian’s voiced disgust) and once he was out of sight, Kon leaned back in his chair, letting his loving boyfriend facade fall away. He let his shoulders relax. Blew a curl out of his face. Stretched his arms and legs under the table, taking up far more room than was rightfully his. Kon had _very_ long legs, and he knew how to use them. This trick Kon had learned from Clark, who put up a mild-mannered reporter front on most stories, and only let out the chewy invulnerable center when he had to deal with a particularly troublesome article subject. The change made him almost seem like different people, and Kon had picked it up too. He could fool almost anyone with that switch—anyone, of course, except Lois. 

He watched Steph’s face as her eyes widened and mouth fell a bit open in surprise. For the first time all night, Cass suddenly turned hostile towards him. She crossed her arms, and set her jaw in a line. Duke seemed too confused by the sudden change posture to make much of any reaction. Damian, as expected, was not happy. Bruce stayed, annoyingly, _Bruce—_ smiling ditzily. 

"It’s unfortunate,” Kon said, letting his voice change to its deeper, less cheerful state, “Tim spends so much time working. I almost never get to see him in person. I thought he had enough money that he was set for life.”

Cass narrowed her eyes at him. 

Steph scowled. “It’s in a trust fund. And Tim likes working.”

Kon shrugged off her distaste. “Oh, sure. And he should do what he likes—whatever he likes.” He waved an airy hand. “It just makes a man wonder why he needs a trust fund if he has a job.”

"Oh, Tim doesn’t have access to the trust fund yet,” Bruce said cheerfully. “None of my children do until they’re thirty!”

Kon whistled. Damian shot a nervous look at Bruce, but Bruce didn’t break eye-contact with Kon. 

"Thirty sure is a long time.”

"Tim is capable.” Bruce laughed loudly. “He’s much more capable than _I_ am. Everyone says so. Yes, I think Tim can take care of himself and his money much better than most people in his position will.”

_Oh yeah, old man? We’ll see about that._

"That’s wonderful! In fact, that’s perfect!”

"Perfect…?” Duke asked.

"Sure. Sounds like he can take of me, too,” Kon said. And he gave Bruce that blithely brilliant smile. 

Steph’s eyes widened and Damian opened their mouths to object at the same time, but Kon had timed himself well and Tim was already back from powdering his nose. 

"Hey, babe,” Kon said, straightening back into his adoring-puppy stature when Tim sat next to him. He kissed Tim in a very making-my-territory way. Steph closed her mouth with a snap and sat back against the chair. 

"What did I miss?” Tim asked, a little breathlessly when Kon finally let him go. 

Kon could feel Cass’ eyes burning holes in his shoulder so he glanced back at her and her set jaw with what he hoped looked triumphant, but Cass didn’t look nearly as upset as Steph did. Steph clearly wanted to warn Tim about what Kon had said, but didn’t want to do it in front of Kon himself (or perhaps, in public). 

Damian had no such objections. 

"Timothy, I believe you have been taken in by a farce. Understandable with your limited intellectual ability,” Damian said, almost kindly for him. Tim blinked blankly at him and Damian plowed on, ignoring Steph and Duke’s hissed warnings. “I believe your new beau is a parasite.”

Tim did the faithful boyfriend well. Kon pretended to look like he was pretending to be shocked. 

"I thought you liked me!” He said, feigning offense. 

Damian turned his tiny nose up at Kon. 

"Such an embarrassment to the family cannot stand. Although I appreciate your love for animals.”

"What are you saying, Damian?” Tim asked in a low voice. 

"I believe… what is the colloquial term-?”

"Damian, Kon is a very lovely young man, I can’t imagine what you think-” Bruce began, confused. 

"Dames, are you sure-?” Steph said, looking nervously between Kon and Tim. 

"Tim, I _tried_ to tell you-” Dick added. 

Tim stood up, chair skidding back. He slammed both hands on the table, glaring at his younger brother. 

"Oh? And _what exactly_ is the _colloquial term_?”

"Gold-digger.”

Kon gasped. Tim straightened. The Waynes fell silent, except for Damian who steadily continued. 

"He is very good at his… is it considered an occupation or a hob-?”

"Gold-digger!” Tim growled. “I bring the man I _love_ to meet my _family_ and you claim he’s trying to take my money? Kon’s never asked me for anything! I give him gifts because it’s nice, and what you do to partners-!”

"You never gave _me_ a watch like that,” Steph argued helplessly. 

"Oh, so you’re jealous?” 

"What? _No!_ ”

Kon thought Tim was hamming it up a little, but the others seemed taken in by his performance. Bruce seemed absolutely scandalized at this turn in the topic, and that only pissed Kon off more. He couldn’t genuinely be this stupid. Kon would get him to break eventually.

"Babe,” Kon stood and placed a comforting hand on Tim’s shoulder, “I don’t think he meant anything by it, I mean,” he lowered his voice into a loud fake-whisper, “with everything you told me about _him_ , it’s only normal that he might object to… well… _us_ , I mean-”

Damian looked between Kon and Tim, horrified. “Object! Of course I object to a parasitic relationship! Timothy! What did you tell him about me? What-?

"Please,” Dick said, red as a tomato when other celebrities from other tables began to look over. “Can we keep this quiet…?”

"Quiet! I will not be quiet! Not when I-” Tim choked on his words and grabbed Kon by the hand. “Come on, Conner. We’re _leaving_. I cannot _believe-!_ ”

"Tim, wait!” Dick called, trying to stand but Tim strode away from him, dragging Kon with him. 

Kon looked back and gave them a clearly insincere smile and shrugged, and let himself be pulled. 

Tim kept it up until after they left the restaurant and the paparazzi’s blinding flashes make spots dot Kon’s vision. He hadn’t remembered that they would be here. He would next time—this was a memorable reminder. 

Tim stormed to the valet and ordered his car up double-time. He refused to talk to the paps who swarmed him (and gave a berth for his siblings who followed him into the snow, begging him to calm down) so Kon followed in his footsteps, turning up his nose. Even when they asked about Kon’s existence. He wasn’t sure if that was accurate to his character, but he wanted to go over with Tim what he would say to the paparazzi. Last thing he wanted was for him to get a million calls from Lois tomorrow morning when she found out her step-son was ‘dating’ _the_ Tim Wayne. 

Tim kept it up the whole drive, and whispered to Kon not to drop the act until they were alone and inside the suite. Kon was fine with that. So keeping their angry faces on, Kon asked Tim. “What did you think about that?”

Tim took a moment to reply. Finally he said in an odd monotone (probably to keep himself looking angry), “ _awesome._ You have to tell me what you said to them.”

"Aw, shnookums, but that ruins the fun.”

Tim broke, spitting out a laugh and then scowled purposefully at Kon. Kon didn’t smile, but he _really_ wanted to. 

"And it’s not even the piece de resistance I have for the night,” Kon said. 

Tim looked at him and almost crashed. Kon yelped and shouted, “ _brake!_ ” when the car in front of them suddenly did. They jerked as Tim tore the Bentley to a stop (and a horrible sound came from the priceless car). 

After that scary moment, the two of them settled back into character. 

"Oh?” Tim asked. “I didn’t realize you have a plan.”

"Just a basic one. What days I do certain things.”

"And you’re not going to tell me what?”

"Your reactions wouldn’t be genuine.”

"Should I be scared?” Tim asked, seriously. 

Kon patted his hand out of view of the windshield to comfort Tim. “Don’t worry, my dear, nothing illegal.”

"Somehow, you specifying ‘illegal’ does not inspire confidence in me.”

"Surprise is the spice of life.”

Tim sighed and relented. "Then spice it up, Mr. Kent.”

Kon did his best impression of Bruce Wayne’s laugh and voice. “ _P_ _lease_ , Mr. Kent is my father, call me Kon.”

Kon glanced over and watched as Tim broke again, one small snort and a cracked smile. And Kon felt himself giddy with pride. 

* * *

They arrived before the others. Kon didn’t know when they would return, but Tim said not long from now. He and Kon had a loud and very public argument about _how could his family possibly think that about Kon?_ And _what did Kon say to make them think so?_ And _oh, so now this was Kon’s fault?_ But _clearly his family hadn’t gotten it from nowhere_? And _but Kon was the victim here!_ And _maybe if Tim didn’t see that then they should just end it here and now!_

Other patrons of the resort made way as they stormed into the elevator and left the two of them alone. Once inside, they concluded their argument and spent ten minutes necking voraciously. Anyone who managed to get their hands on the footage (because Tim was convinced that Jonathan the paparazzo or one of his friends would find it) would be getting a big fat payday and a show. 

Tim and Kon entered the Wayne floor and ran up to change into their most clearly you-have-interrupted-us selves before the others came back, which didn’t take long. Within the next ten minutes, the Waynes (arguing just as much as Tim and Kon had pretended to) trampled through the door and Dick shouted for Tim to come down. They needed to talk, as a family. As Kon had expected. 

Kon waited as Tim flung himself out the door and proceeded to argue with his siblings as only siblings could do. Kon glanced at his new watch and counted six and a half minutes before he grabbed the best, and most tacky, part of the night in his opinion out of his luggage. He tossed the crumbled, wrapped box up and caught it on the way down on the way to the door of Tim’s suite. 

He emerged in horrible distress and the fighting downstairs came to a halt. “Oh, honey! I’m so sorry!” Kon said, and then, he began to tear up. A magnificent performance, truly. He deserved an Oscar. Oo, maybe Tim could buy him one when this was all over.

Dick, Steph, and Damian, who were all in the middle of shouting at Tim all stepped back in horror. Tim rushed up the stairs to Kon’s side. Kon noticed, irked, that Bruce watched the commotion from one of the couches. Looking concerned to an outsider but something about his languid position on the chair ruined the image. 

Kon pretended to hold back tears. “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry! I thought I’d packed it well enough but-but-”

"What is it?” Tim was all concern. He took Kon’s hands in his and picked up the crushed box. 

"Your present!”

"Oh!” Tim took a moment to keep himself from laughing. “That’s-that’s okay. I don’t need a present-”

"Don’t _need_ a present! It’s _Christmas_! Of _course,_ you need a present! You’re always giving me all these nice things, and I just want to give you something in return. But now, now that’s ruined! And I didn’t even bring my credit cards to buy you something new!”

Tim caught on quickly. Yes, and. "That’s okay. You can use mine!”

Kon heard the sucking-in-of-breath from the Waynes downstairs. But he wiped his eyes and smiled. “Babe, I couldn’t repay you until I get back home. Are you sure?”

"Of course! I trust you.” Tim leaned in and kissed Kon. 

Kon broke the kiss and gave a bashful glance downstairs to the Waynes who watched in horror. Kon wanted to wink at them so badly. Just give them _something._ A _crumb_. But not yet. It was too early. 

Bruce didn’t show any cracks in his composure. 

Kon gazed adoringly back at Tim, pulling Tim along with him. 

"You’re so wonderful, snugglepuss. Come on, let me pay you back now.”

"Kon…” Tim blushed but let himself be pulled and behind his suite doors they went. Only once they were at the back of the door, as far away from the rest of Tim’s family as possible, did they break. 

They burst into laughter. Curious, Tim opened up the crushed box and found the baseball Kon had put inside to give it a little heft. 

This led Tim to laugh some more. 

"Hey, _snugglepuss_ ,” he teased, tossing it to Kon between chuckles. “Wanna go outside and play catch?”

Kon winked at him and tossed it back. Tim dropped onto his bed and Kon beside him when his giggles subsided. 

"Well, boss?” Kon asked. “Did I pass my first night as boyfriend?”

"With flying colors,” Tim said. He shook his head and threw the baseball up and caught it in his hands. “Buying me a Christmas gift with my own money… I hate to say it, but absolutely inspired.”

"And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” Kon said. He caught the ball out of the air and tossed it up himself. Tim turned his head to watch. “You’ll get your money’s worth, don’t worry.”

"Now, I’m not. And,” Tim snatched the ball back. “I’m not paying you.”

"I think your bank account would beg to differ,” Kon said.

Tim had muscle under his accountant monkey-suit. His arms flexed as he threw the ball up and down, up and down. 

"I wish Bruce did.”

Kon frowned. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be. Are you sure he really is going to get mad about this? That this is all an act?”

"Oh, trust me,” Tim said. He threw the ball with a little more vigor. “It annoys him. Brucie’s just hard to crack is all.”

“What did he even do?” Kon asked. He shifted so he was leaning on one hand as he watched. 

Tim shook his head. “It’s hard to explain, but trust me. He has this coming.”

Not Kon’s problem. "If you say so. He’s your dad.”

"Yeah.” Tim caught the ball and stopped. He pressed it to his chest. 

"Don’t worry,” Kon said, “we’ll get him.”

"Yeah.” Tim agreed. He smiled at Kon, electric blue eyes wild with excitement in a way that sent tingles up Kon’s arms. “We will.”

Kon grinned back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also Jerry the Turkey is the most important part of the batfam 
> 
> And yes, I did geuinely one have someone borrow money from me to get me a present (and then they proceeded to not pay me back). Worst. Gift. Ever. (It was a kit-kat bar.)

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, the title is from gold digger by kanye west. Also the plot is based off of a post i saw on tumblr with an actual classified ad for a fake bf who purely fucks with your family at holidays. I saw that and went "must have timkon" and then sephie asked for fake dating so whOOPS


End file.
